Is your partner REALLY the one? Top psychologist reveals 15 question test that your other half MUST ace if the relationship is going to last

  • Gary W. Lewandowski Jr. is a professor at Monmouth University in New Jersey 
  • He has published over 30 journal articles and over 20 book chapters on love 
  • The doctor has devised a list of questions with the aim of identifying 'the one' 
  • He said if you don't answer yes to the questions your relationship may not last 

By Leigh Mcmanus For Mailonline

Published: | Updated:

A psychologist has devised a list of questions that will determine if your partner is really 'The One', after noticing that the most common question he's asked is: 'Am I in the right relationship?' 

Gary W. Lewandowski Jr. is a professor at Monmouth University in New Jersey and has dedicated his professional life to answering questions on love and relationships.

In an interview with The Independent which has recently resurfaced online, he said: 'It is probably the question people have the most but are least equipped to answer themselves.

'When they try to determine, they don't always know the right questions to ask and focus on the wrong thing.'

His test was inspired by the Keltner list, a systematic but non-numerical method for considering whether a baseball player is deserving of election to the National Baseball Hall of Fame.

Developed by baseball statistician Bill James, the list comprises 15 questions designed to aid in the thought process with each one intended to be relatively easy to answer by design. 

Is your partner really 'the one'? 

According to Lewandowski, responding 'yes,' honestly, to the questions, which rely on both science-backed data and intuition, means your relationship is worth staying in.

If 'no' is the answer to any of the questions, Dr Gary says that your partnership may not stand the test of time.

1. Does your partner make you a better person, and do you do the same for them?

2. Are you and your partner both comfortable with sharing feelings, relying on each other, being close, and able to avoid worrying about the other person leaving?

3. Do you and your partner accept each other for who you are, without trying to change each other?

4. When disagreements arise, do you and your partner communicate respectfully and without contempt or negativity?

5. Do you and your partner share decision-making, power and influence in the relationship?

6. Is your partner your best friend, and are you theirs?

7. Do you and your partner think more in terms of 'we' and 'us,' rather than 'you' and 'I'?

8. Would you and your partner trust each other with the passwords to social media and bank accounts?

9. Do you and your partner have good opinions of each other – without having an overinflated positive view?

10. Do your close friends, as well as your partner's, think you have a great relationship that will stand the test of time?

11. Is your relationship free of red flags like cheating, jealousy and controlling behaviour?

12. Do you and your partner share the same values when it comes to politics, religion, the importance of marriage, the desire to have kids (or not) and how to parent?

13. Are you and your partner willing to sacrifice your own needs, desires and goals for each other (without being a doormat)?

14. Do you and your partner both have agreeable and emotionally stable personalities?

15. Are you and your partner sexually compatible?

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But he insists this isn't such a bad thing because 'if you're in a mediocre to bad relationship, getting out frees you up to get in a great one'.

'Staying in a bad relationship is the worst possible thing for you,' he said.  

The professor added 'learning good stuff about relationships is no threat to good relationships'. 

Gary W. Lewandowski Jr. is a professor at Monmouth University in New Jersey and has dedicated his professional life to answering questions on love (stock image)

Gary W. Lewandowski Jr. is a professor at Monmouth University in New Jersey and has dedicated his professional life to answering questions on love (stock image)

 

 

 

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