Here's what you should have learned in college (and probably didn't)

The summer after his junior year at Rutgers University, Mark Beal caught an early train to an internship in New York, worked a full day, ran to another internship, worked until midnight, took the train back to New Brunswick, woke up the next day and did it again.

It was a grueling schedule that no doubt featured his share of grunt work, but Beal never looked at it that way.

"I said, 'I love this,'" Beal said.

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Beal, 50, a Toms River resident and managing partner of Taylor public relations in New York has written "101 Lessons They Never Taught You In College," hoping to give college graduates a roadmap to launch their careers.

The book imparts wisdom to help graduates make the transition from the classroom to the workplace — a move that can overwhelm the system of even the best prepared and hardest working. Watch the video at the top of the story to get a sense of those important lessons.

Look no further than this statistic: Nearly half of Garden State residents ages 18 to 34 live with their parents, compared with one-third nationwide, Rutgers University economist James W. Hughes said.

But even those who manage to leave the nest aren't immune from the things that could very well happen to them in the next few months and years: rejection, failure, embarrassment, insecurity and a good dose of self-loathing.

Alex Oliver, 24, director of content for Student Success U., a Red Bank company that is about to launch a podcast, put it this way: "Nobody believes they're going to graduate until they actually do.” 

Beal, who teaches at Rutgers, can sense the anxiety. He said he wrote the book after students peppered him with questions about how to land a job, how to get an internship, how to network. 

He could draw on his own college experience, which helps explain Lesson 25 (Be Happy), Lesson 26 (Be Fearless) and even, if you picture Beal running toward Penn Station at midnight to catch a train, Lesson 31 (Exercise Your Body, Free Your Mind).

"It doesn't matter what the job is," Beal said. "It’s more about your approach and mindset.”

It prompted us to ask five leaders in the community: What lesson do they wish they knew when they graduated?

Here is what they said:

1. Brace for what you can't control

Ivy Charmatz, executive producer of News 12 New Jersey, said she followed the playbook. She had a positive attitude. She worked long hours. And, at 22, she landed a job she was passionate about, working on a syndicated television show.

It didn't matter. The show was canceled. 

"I remember thinking, 'What now?'" Charmatz, 40, of Holmdel said. "Fortunately it didn't take long to get another job. But the lesson has stayed with me. We can't always control what happens in life, but we can always control our reactions."

Charmatz said the cancellation was a blessing. She found another job that had a profound impact on her career — until that show was canceled, too.

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2. Be financially literate

Walter Greason, dean of the Honors School at Monmouth University in West Long Branch, said students have spent plenty of time learning reading, math, science and technical skills they need for the workplace.

But what happens when they get a paycheck? All bets are off.

The path to the middle class, once steeped in homeownership, now is uncertain.

Greason's advice: Start a business.

"Everybody needs to be literate in business news," Greason, 43, of Manalapan, said. "You need to understand what’s happening when that ticker goes across the screen and what it means for your life.”

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3. Write 'thank you' notes

Holly Migliaccio, co-owner of Rook Coffee, grew up handwriting "thank you" notes after she received gifts. She kept the practice going when she opened Rook.

It sounds like an anachronism when graduates and workers are spending countless hours perfecting their social media profiles, emailing and texting. But your chances of building a relationship seem to increase with old fashioned "thank you" notes.

So Migliaccio sends notes to Rook's architects and plumbers, landlords and neighbors, staff members and sponsors of the Rook Run.

"While it may seem impossible to place a value on a handwritten 'thank you' note, I guarantee it's much higher than most people think," said Migliaccio, 39, of Oceanport.

"Forty-nine cents and five minutes of time is not a lot to spend to let someone know how much you appreciate them and genuinely care. And the fact that it's so rarely done gives those who do it an extra edge in character. Building relationships that help lead to success isn't just luck."

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4. Be curious

John Lloyd, co-chief executive officer of Hackensack Meridian Health, graduated from Princeton University with a degree in religion.

But he helped build one of New Jersey's biggest health care networks by being a good listener, surrounding himself with qualified people and, even at 71 years old, continuing to learn.

"I’ve been to about six or seven locations in the organization in the last week and speaking to team members directly and making rounds with them," Lloyd, of Oceanport, said.

"You walk away most of the time impressed with the great things our team members and leaders are doing," he said. "I like that style of continuous learning. You have to be inquisitive. A lot of people think this is a weakness. I to this day am still inquisitive and still ask questions. I will learn something most of the time."

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5. Embrace the little moments 

Dr. Jessica L. Israel works with patients near the end of their lives.

As regional director for Geriatrics and Palliative Care, Monmouth Medical Center in Long Branch and Monmouth Medical Center, Southern Campus in Lakewood, she sees what is important to people.

They never talk about financial gains, she said. 

"We mark our lives with milestones — birthdays and graduations, new jobs, weddings. But it's all of the time in between these things that makes the most difference. All the littlest moments," Israel, 49, of Matawan, said. 

"Not just the falling in love, but the staying in love. The littlest moments are the building blocks, and in the long run they are what will come to define you — to both yourself and others. It's important to be present and and to appreciate the time you need to do so. I'm grateful I figured this out before it was too late."

Michael L. Diamond; 732-643-4038; mdiamond@gannettnj.com