{"id":9973,"date":"2020-06-18T14:41:02","date_gmt":"2020-06-18T18:41:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.monmouth.edu\/magazine\/?p=9973"},"modified":"2020-10-07T10:23:26","modified_gmt":"2020-10-07T14:23:26","slug":"q-will-my-relationship-survive-quarantine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.monmouth.edu\/magazine\/q-will-my-relationship-survive-quarantine\/","title":{"rendered":"Q: Will My Relationship Survive Quarantine?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

After the initial shock of COVID-19 began to wear off and people around the globe settled into a new normal, the growing stresses related to the pandemic\u2014worries over money, job security, and the responsibility of homeschooling children, among many other things\u2014had some media outlets predicting a rise in pandemic-related divorces.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Relationship expert and Professor of Psychology Gary Lewandowski was hopeful that trend would not play out. But to be sure, he teamed up with Monmouth University Polling Institute and conducted a poll<\/a> that not only determined that this prediction was unfounded, but that in fact some people felt their relationship had improved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThere were a lot of surprises, but I was hoping for this,\u201d Lewandowski says. \u201cIn a way, I think people have been much too negative about things and if people are buying into the narrative that the pandemic is going to make people fight all of the time and it\u2019s going to lead to divorce, then that\u2019s problematic\u2014one, because our poll shows that\u2019s just not true, and two, because it creates this norm or expectation from folks in relationships.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The poll found that the vast majority (74%) of Americans in a romantic relationship reported that their relationships had not changed overall during the coronavirus outbreak. Of those polled, most people said the outbreak has not impacted how much they argue (70%) or changed their sex life (77%). But some reported that their relationship had in fact improved (17%) rather than worsened (5%); that they get into fewer arguments (18%) rather than more arguments (10%); and that their sex life has improved (9%) rather than worsened (5%).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThree out of four people said, \u2018Yeah, it\u2019s pretty much the same,’\u201d Lewandowski says. \u201cBut given the dire expectations and all of the craziness that we\u2019ve all gone through, to say that our relationships haven\u2019t changed\u2014and when they do<\/em> change, generally speaking they\u2019re getting better based on these numbers\u2014I think that\u2019s pretty positive.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While couples seem to be weathering the pandemic well, Lewandowski says there\u2019s always room for improvement. Here are some of the ways he says you can support your partner during this time to ensure your relationship remains strong\u2014or better yet, emerges stronger post-outbreak.<\/p>\n\n\n

1. Communicate more often.<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n

While some of those polled reported getting into arguments more often since quarantine began, a majority of people reported no change (70%) and some reported they were even arguing a little less often (9%) or a lot less often (9%) than normal. Lewandowski believes that because couples are likely spending a lot more time together due to quarantine, they are perhaps getting into smaller arguments more often rather than letting issues fester and turn into a huge blow up fight. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

He says this is beneficial in many ways because it can lead to communicating more often and, perhaps, more openly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBe willing to engage with your partner and discuss what\u2019s on your mind,\u201d he says. \u201cPeople generally try to avoid confrontation. And when you\u2019re not around your partner that much, that is easy to do. But now that people are around each other so much it\u2019s not as simple, and it\u2019s actually better to engage and discuss problems as they arise versus letting them build up.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n

2. Look at this as a new challenge.<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n

Lewandowski says research shows that couples who engage in new and challenging activities together report having stronger relationships partly because taking on a new challenge\u2014even if it\u2019s stressful\u2014increases one\u2019s sense of self.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Along these lines, research also shows that couples who engage in more new and challenging activities together report having a better sex life with more satisfaction and more frequency. This may be why the poll shows that some reported that their sex life had gotten a little better (4%) or even a lot better (5%) during the pandemic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhile a lot of what we\u2019re all going through and experiencing is stressful, there are also elements of novelty where we\u2019ve never done a lot of these things before. Sure, it\u2019s challenging, but they are challenges that we\u2019re overcoming together with our partner,\u201d Lewandowski says. \u201cWe know when we effectively deal with challenges in a relationship\u2014\u2018my partner and I are doing really well in dealing with this pandemic and so we feel stronger and more capable as a couple,\u2019 it increases our satisfaction, the actual love that we feel for each other, and ultimately, our commitment.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n

3. Be a responsive partner.<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n

While the poll was largely positive, one negative trend showed that some reported that their relationship was actually causing an increase in their daily stress either a little bit (16%) or a lot (10%) verses those who said it decreased their daily stress either a little (5%) or a lot (9%). Lewandowski says that research shows that the negative impact of stress on relationships could be remedied in part by being a responsive partner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBeing a responsive partner means that you\u2019re someone who listens to your partner, you care what they think, you see things from their perspective and so we know if a partner is responsive, it mitigates some of the problems that stress causes,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He says a helpful way to view this is through the lens of another Monmouth University poll<\/a>, which shows that 83% of people view their partner as their best friend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a really useful way to think about your relationship because we already have useful standards for our friends\u2014an ideal best friend, they\u2019d be pretty responsive right?\u201d he says. \u201cSo, if you\u2019re having those discussions about someone being messy, and I\u2019m complaining to you about being messy, but you\u2019re responsive and can see my perspective and care that I care\u2014that\u2019s going to help our relationship.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n

4. Keep on dating.<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n

Lewandowski says something that is important, pandemic or not, is to make sure you continue to date as a couple and make time to focus solely on your relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One activity that a couple can organize during this pandemic is a \u201cNetflix and Spill\u201d night, where a couple watches a movie, like a romantic comedy, and then uses that as a way to discuss their relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSo, it\u2019s Netflix and spill\u2014about your relationship,\u201d Lewandowski says. \u201cThat\u2019s not just my suggestion, that\u2019s based on research that shows that couples who watch a film together and discuss it report better relationships. And it\u2019s a nice context because then it\u2019s not me talking about you being the problem, it\u2019s, \u2018oh, can you believe that Meg Ryan is acting this way in this movie?\u2019 It opens things up on more of a neutral ground.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n

5. Try to look on the bright side.<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n

While the pandemic is sure to challenge couples in unprecedented ways, Lewandowski suggests it\u2019s important to remain positive and even optimistic in order to keep your relationship strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cResearch shows that as long as one partner is optimistic, it helps both partners,\u201d he says. \u201cSo even if one partner is kind of a downer and one\u2019s an optimist, having at least one optimistic partner boosts relationship satisfaction.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While the poll suggests that even though a majority believe their relationship has not changed, a majority of people (51%) believe their relationship will emerge stronger once the outbreak is over\u2014perhaps more reflective of the true course that romantic relationships will follow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI was not surprised that so many people thought their relationship was going to be stronger\u2026 I think that\u2019s definitely possible,\u201d Lewandowski says. \u201cAnd if people are maybe being overconfident and hopelessly optimistic, the research does show that\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Psychology professor Gary Lewandowski shares his five tips on how to keep your romantic relationship strong during the pandemic. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":57,"featured_media":10912,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"image_focus":"","hide_title":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9973","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-currents"],"thumbnail":"\"\"","catString":"Currents","issue":"Summer 2020","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monmouth.edu\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9973","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monmouth.edu\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monmouth.edu\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monmouth.edu\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/57"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monmouth.edu\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9973"}],"version-history":[{"count":15,"href":"https:\/\/www.monmouth.edu\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9973\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11808,"href":"https:\/\/www.monmouth.edu\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9973\/revisions\/11808"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monmouth.edu\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10912"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monmouth.edu\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9973"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monmouth.edu\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9973"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monmouth.edu\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9973"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}